Learning

Dear loyal readers,

.. fuhhhhh..its been a while since my last entry.. life has been so chaotic for me.. uncertainties are everywhere and i am so tired of handling them.. which most of the time they came unexpectedly that triggered unpleasant and awkward situations between parties involved... it was so tensed to the extent that i couldn't figure out what is right and what is wrong.. irrational actions are waiting to be called..

i just don't understand why some people are so stubborn and so emotional in handling things... aren't they aware that all thats happenned are by miles are because of their own mistake??? They kept on saying that "..omg..i am still young and still learning.."..bullshit... how on earth you called that learning when you are actually aware that you've made mistake but keep on repeating the same mistake... are you waiting for the outcomes to emerge and ruined everything then you stop doing your mistake??? when that time comes, regrets are useless... face the facts... don't we have enough evidence (that we learned from others experiences..or by observations..or even from the Pendidikan Moral or Sivik we learned from school) to opened your eyes???? Why do you think we have norms and moral studies in our society???

So stop taking advantage on number (age) and how young you are that permits you to repeat your mistake.. there are few mistakes that are not meant to be repeated over and over again, because the result is calamity and has great impact on your future... to make things even worse, it also jeopardizing others future and of course the impact will be spread-out to your significants...

Just don't let your emotions control your actions.. let your mind and thinking be dominant in your action.. don't be so ego.. don't said that you are trying to help out..YOU ARE NOT... You are pampering your own lust and desire only... If you want to ruin your future then be my guest, just don't involve others..

I know i sounded like i hate you but believe me i don't.. and i really meant it.. I don't hate you.. i just want you to understand how i care about FUTURE and i dont want it to be ruined just by ONE single action that only satisfied the feelings of youthfullness... There are few things in our life that need us to experience them in order for us to learn, but there are also things that we learned from others and we should avoid the same mistake that had affected their future.. the thing that you are doing now is of course the latter... please... from my humble heart, stop doing it cuz it hurting yourself.. there are time for everything.. for that particular thing, it is not the right time yet...

i know somehow i am to be blamed for whatever outcomes that might occur... i am human being too.. i made mistake and still making them.. but for this particular thing, i know i am right... trust me... i started to giving up being like a patrol guy or policeman that 24/7 making sure everything is fine.. i am tired being lied... if i were to forget everything, someone will for sure in limbo and i don't want it to happen... because watever i have started, i will make sure that i'll finished them... i care for you..

Thank you....

Dear you...
In my life, i have so many choices.. but few yrs back i've made choices that changed my entire life thereafter... i chose to care 4 u, i chose to hold u when u r down, i chose to look after ur well being, i chose to carry you when u r sick, i chose to be around u anytime anywhere, i chose to be ur shoulder to cry on, i chose to get u up when u fall, i chose to be next to u when u r alone and the entire world is rejecting u, and most importantly...i chose to syg u with all my heart and strength and next thing i know, i have been dedicating my life to u...

you,
Thank you for letting me messing ard ur life for several years... thank you for giving me the opportunity to love n be loved... thank you for the great memories.. ill treasure them... thank you for allowing me to be part of ur life over the years, in which i learned a lot abt life n myself...

you,
you know how i feel abt all these and it will never change although u ask me to do sumting that completely contrary to what and how i feel abt you... but i respect ur decision and its what u've been asking for quite a long time ago... the time has come tho.... i guess i just need to move on... and do what u ask me to do...

you,
from the bottom of my sincere and humble heart, i would like to ask for ur 4giveness for everything... i know i have sin against u and i can't do anything to change it.. i'm sorry... as i always said to u, u r owez right... u r nor to be blame for everything that had happened... it just me that should be blamed... i was completely an idiot and stubborn and being so selfish without thinking on wat u want in ur life... i was so ignorant of your feelings and emotions... all i ever thought is just ME n Myself... i should be awarded with 'the most selfish and stubborn people in planet' award... i am so guilty to u n your life.... i ask ur 4giveness once again....

You,
i promise from this moment on, i will never messing ard you n your life anymore... i will never allow myself to tell u to do this, do that n acting like i owned u... i owe u ur freedom... again, 4give me... T.T

You,
i will never regret the choices made by me... it was the right choices made by me bcuz it had gives way for 'the greatest thing ever-happened in my life" to happen... yes, the greatest thing ever happened to me is 'YOU"....

its ur time to do ur choices and i sincerely understand and accept your choices with an open heart...

You,
thank you so much....n take care now...

Sorry for everything.... my bad... T.T

T.T

..i just hate it now... wait for my post... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

5th......

T.T arrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

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This is not true...

I always thought that i am strong and enjoy solitary... After days of solitude, I now realize that it is the least state-of-life that i would choose... Now I realize that it is not easy to really turn your life from what you used to do or be.. But the turning itself is not what i have opt to go, it was and is by-force by what they called as 'undertaking move'... I hate that 'move' and i hate those who were responsible and initiate that move... I hate it.. It really make my life upside down.. I am very much aware that this is only temporary... few months, few days... It is Not forever.. hey, I still have to go thru every single second in agony... every single excruciating day... a lot of solitary moments.. It is me who feel all those feelings.. It is me who trying to go thru every single day with whatever boldness and guts that left inside me... T.T

To make things worse, I have to keep everything to myself.. without being able to share, to voice-out, to even show how i feel right now, at this very moment.. NO ONE will understand my situation.. NO ONE will understand why I have been behaving so strange this few days.. NO ONE will help me to go through the remaining days...

BUT I will never want the significance people around me to understand..

They may laugh, they may find it awkward, or they may look at it as absurd situation...be it.. i don't care.. BUT i still can't really tell what is happening to my life... I just want to be alone at the moment... I just hope I am still there when this is over.. Thank you for spending your time to read this albeit you may not understand what crap i was talking...

1,2,3...

my so-not-life

It's been so long since i post my last entry...

dear frens,
I am so dead now.. i have no REAL and meaningful live at the moment... need to change... ironically, i am very much aware wut i shud n must do to change... YET I DONT DARE TO... IT HURTS ME.... my life at the moment NEED 120% change, 360 degree turn....

There are lot of things that get affected once i decide to do the changes.... should i do it?????

enough is enough...

First of all... Happy New Year everyone... dec 2009 was lyke so hectic for me... coming into 2010, hoping for a better and harmonious year..BUT MALAYSIA has a very different story to tell to the entire universe... Malaysia, whom the world know as one of the most harmonious country despite populated by so many different races, languages, and RELIGIONs... AS of 31.12.2009, WE at Malaysia were so very united in the spirit of 1MALAYSIA, a concept that shows who we truly are... Everything change in a blink of eye.... A Very SAD DAY for MALAYSIA as this issue continues to tense the country...

Let just hope that this issue will be settled as soon as possible to avoid further choas and damages... I pray that Malaysia will get back to right track in the name of 1Malaysia....huhu T_T