Jokes...Best Joke in the UK

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain.

Jokes.. Kisah Pendek - Kenapa Sekretariku Di Pecat

Dua minggu yang lalu merupakan ulang tahunku yang ke-35 dan mood-ku tidak terlalu baik pada pagi itu. Aku turun untuk sarapan dengan harapan isteriku akan mengucapkan dengan penuh sukacita.. "Happy Birthday suamiku tersayang"

Waktu berlalu dan bahkan dia tidak mengucapkan selamat pagi.

Aku berpikir, ya, itulah isteri, tapi mungkin anak-anakku akan ingat kalau hari ini aku berulang tahun.

Anak-anak datang ke meja makan untuk sarapan namun mereka juga tidak mengatakan satu patah katapun. Akhirnya aku berangkat ke bilik tidur dengan perasaan penuh kecewa dan sedih.

Di pejabat, Ketika aku masuk ke pejabat, sekertariku, Janet, menyapaku "Selamat pagi Boss, Selamat Ulang Tahun"

Dan akhirnya aku merasa sedikit terubat mengetahui ada seseorang yang mengingat hari ulang tahunku. Aku bekerja sampai tengah hari dan kemudian Janet mengetuk pintu bilikku dan berkata, Apakah tuan tidak menyadari bahwa hari ini begitu cerah di luar dan hari ini adalah hari ulang tahun tuan, mari kita pergi lunch, hanya kita berdua.

Aku berkata "Wow!", itu adalah perkataan yang luar biasa yang saya dengar hari ini, mari kita pergi.

Kami berdua pergi lunch. Kami tidak pergi ke tempat di mana kami biasanya lunch, tetapi kami pergi ke tempat yang sepi. Kami memesan 2 gelas fresh orange dan menikmati makanan tengahari kami.

Dalam perjalanan pulang ke pejabat, Janet berkata, "Anda tahu ini adalah hari yang begitu indah, kita tidak perlu kembali ke pejabat kan ?"

"Tidak perlu, saya pikir tidak perlu" jawabku.

Lalu dia mengajak saya untuk rehat ke apartmentnya.

Setelah tiba di apartmentnya, dia berkata.. "Tuan, jika tuan tidak keberatan, saya akan pergi ke ruang tidur dan berpakaian seksi sedikit.."

"Tentu saja boleh", sahutku dengan gembira.

Dia pergi ke kamar tidur dan kira-kira enam minit kemudian dia keluar membawa kek ulang tahun yang besar diiringi oleh isteri, anak-anakku dan sejumlah rakan kerja kami sambil menyanyikan lagu Selamat Ulang Tahun.

Aku hanya duduk terpaku di sana , Di sebuah sofa panjang, telanjang tanpa sehelai benang....

New Genie - The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62. 'Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket everytime?' 'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there. 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

MORAL OF THE STORY
When you make requests, be specific. Precision is of utmost importance.

The above story was posted by one of my fav blog.. Click here to view his wonderful blog... Thanks Mr. Johnny... I've been your follower for quite some time now and i really enjoy your blog..