I always thought that i am strong and enjoy solitary... After days of solitude, I now realize that it is the least state-of-life that i would choose... Now I realize that it is not easy to really turn your life from what you used to do or be.. But the turning itself is not what i have opt to go, it was and is by-force by what they called as 'undertaking move'... I hate that 'move' and i hate those who were responsible and initiate that move... I hate it.. It really make my life upside down.. I am very much aware that this is only temporary... few months, few days... It is Not forever.. hey, I still have to go thru every single second in agony... every single excruciating day... a lot of solitary moments.. It is me who feel all those feelings.. It is me who trying to go thru every single day with whatever boldness and guts that left inside me... T.T
To make things worse, I have to keep everything to myself.. without being able to share, to voice-out, to even show how i feel right now, at this very moment.. NO ONE will understand my situation.. NO ONE will understand why I have been behaving so strange this few days.. NO ONE will help me to go through the remaining days...
BUT I will never want the significance people around me to understand..
They may laugh, they may find it awkward, or they may look at it as absurd situation...be it.. i don't care.. BUT i still can't really tell what is happening to my life... I just want to be alone at the moment... I just hope I am still there when this is over.. Thank you for spending your time to read this albeit you may not understand what crap i was talking...
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2 comments:
bro.. that is exactly the way i feel, every single word im living it, but i want those "significant" people to understand my feelings and know what i got in my head, and make them realise that this is all theyre fault because when i tried to talk to them they though of it as i was dramatic i dont care now im actually thinking of getting all my feelings and throw them on a cage inside my head and never express them ever, thats the way people wanted me to be well thats what theyll get a piece of walking meat, and live as a machine for the rest of my life i will not show laugh, or tears, i will not feel anger either since i dont care, thats all..
Kaki.. find sum1 u trust da most n share with them... u can't afford to keep everything inside you..it could blow up your mind.. emotions are meant to be expressed..if you are not able to express them thru verbal, try writing it in a blog... u will at least feel some relief.. trust me..
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